Depression...

Gloomy clouds are arousing my feeling. If you asked me, I can’t really tell you weather im depress or sad, best to describe is, im just too emotionless to care anymore.

I’ve been reading book on psychology because of my assignment and guess what, im coming to this thinking that im in a state of depression ☺

These are the sign and symptoms of depression according to my college psychology lecturer;

1.persistent sadness, anxiety or emptiness;
2.feelings of hopelessness or pessimism;
3.feelings of guilt, worthlessness or helplessness;
4.loss of interest or pleasure in usually enjoyed activities, including sex;
5.decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being slowed down;
6.difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions;
7.restlessness or irritability;
8.sleep disturbances;
9.loss of appetite and weight, or weight gain;
10.chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by a physical disease; and
11.thoughts of and attempts at suicide.

Well, I don’t think that im the final stage of depression till attempting to attempt a suicide, but I do feel like running away from all the stuff that is surrounding me now. I wanted to go to a beach, where no one could find me, and shout out all the misery that lies beyond my heart.

But I know that this is impossible unless I made it possible. It’s like my old friend are coming back and visit me. Mr.Lonely. I used to live for myself and by myself, till I woke up one day and told myself, I cant do this no more. As time goes by, they came by and visit me, more often now I guess.

I used to give people suggestion on how to live better, but I just never seems to apply that to myself. Like I used to say to represent my self, I am who I am, I guess, no matter how I want my self to be, im still me and this is the fact that could not be changed.

I’m really sick and tired of all the things that is going on around me and I really do hope that I could find a place where I could just place my mind and heart at peace, just for a day or two.